Semester Coming To An End

My first Philosophy Class 101, one of the most entertaining and challenging classes I have ever taken. I have praised utilitarianism, found some hope in rights theory, been enraged by relativism, found similarities to relativism in social contract theory, been intrigued by Hobbes, and left undecided on a liberalist’s anarchy. The concepts directly contributed to my character outside the classroom, challenging my own ideas to become more solidified on my own two feet, allowing me to progress as an individual.

It began with simply writing journals and reading course material, combining that with life in the outside world, past experience that I have had, and lead me to decide I needed act not only with words but also with action. I had signed up for CSL, but it was taking time to deal with the necessary nuiscience of paperwork, which looking back I am actually glad. I wish I had more time to interact with the children at the home, though, by the time I arrived I was far better prepared as an individual to handle it. This I largely credit to the Make Poverty History group that I have had the privilege to work with. Through experience, wisdom, knowledge, and sheer passion I have been empowered by being able to fight alongside them in a cause that is life changing.

By the time I did get to meet the girls at the home, my character became far more dynamic. Never will I be able to fully explain the strong emotion that builds up inside me whenever I think about my hours spent there, anger, love, hope, sadness, laughter, all balled up into one beautiful mess. They have taught me more then I could ever have taught them, it may sound cliché but I speak the truth. You can read as many books as you like, watch the documentaries, discuss atrocities, however, it will never compare to experiencing it in reality, working directly with those who have been violated to the core, and despite all that you see them smile.

So what have I learned of these concepts thus far? Furthermore, how do I feel about them now that the semester is coming to a close with knowledge of other concepts as well as my experiences? That is for another time.

 

Sinking into my Mind

“The more you are motivated by love, the more fearless & free your actions will be”

-          Dalai Lama

I read this quote, awaiting a meeting with the Make Poverty History president, despite it catching my eye it never really sunk into my brain until I lie in bed several hours later. Though even as I write this journal the full implications of that Dalai Lama is trying to get across is not fully comprehendible.

I consider myself to be in many cases motivated by love (if you are not a believer in “love” the current Dalai Lama preaches compassion as well in many of his speeches and quotes) but to imagine being completely motivated by love, is difficult.

Imagine every action that you do during a day, each action that you do requires some sort of motivation, whether it be getting out of bed, going to school, texting your friend, watching tv, or anything really requires some rhyme or reason for doing it. Those reasons could vary from because my mom made me; I want good grades to eventually get a PhD or so on. Now take all those possible reasons and replace them with love or compassion, how would your day be different?

Personally, as I said earlier I feel a fair amount of my day is; I would consider the work with Make Poverty History group, my time working in the foster home, and as much as possible being supportive for my friends, all motivated by love and compassion, but is their ways it could be implemented more?

 

A Chaotic World vs. An Inner Calm

Hmm..

By times it seems the idea of what you wish to put to paper, or computer, (The analogy seems to lack in these modern times) are there, though, don’t seem to quite formulate. Though, any writing teacher will simply tell you to write then all of a sudden, without even truly knowing it yourself, you write!

I have had a weird sense of calm as of late. Perhaps weird is not appropriate, maybe an unfamiliar sensation. In past couple weeks, exam/essay season has been upon me, I have taken on a new job, I have become more heavily involved in volunteering, and have been consistently making time to work out; I am more aware of the horrors around the world, and in my own backyard, and even with my closest friends, and despite it all, I am the happiest I have been in quite some time.

The equation is lacking sense I realize, more commitment should result in stress, greater knowledge in these areas should lead to depression, and by times it can result in either, but overall it is only enabling. My choices have all become more meaningful, and the results far more powerful.

For instance, recently I have taken on the position of Recruitment Coordinator for the Make Poverty History group in Edmonton. In an already busy schedule, a position involving more commitment would seemingly result in mayhem. Though, I realize that for every person I get involved and excited about our group, is going to bring us one step closer of achieving a poverty-free world. Going to the gym would seem to be an easy axe out, and being fairly active anyway, is their really any major loss? Honestly, huge. If Karl Marx had anything right it was that humans need to reach their full potential, and the only way of doing this is by doing the things you love. I go to the gym for Mike, and Mike only, I enjoy being pushed and pushing myself, and with the results being more energy, feeling stronger mentally and physically, and being just overall healthier who can complain!

The chaos of the world surrounds me, it encircles me everyday, though I won’t let it win. I have chosen to step back, to instead of just being apart of it all to view it from an outside perspective, and what I have discovered is meaning, passion, enlightenment, and calm. Despite still having goals that need to be reached, knowledge that needs acquiring, and problems that need fixing, I won’t let them rule my life; instead I will live my life on the journey to accomplish them.

 

Thought provoking movies

So much has occurred in the last 10 days since I’ve written where to begin is seemingly an impossible task, though here goes nothing.

First, I have watched three excellent thought provoking movies, Million Dollar Baby, American History X, and Blow.

Million Dollar Baby written and produced by Clint Eastwood is a movie that I thought was incredibly inspiring until the final half hour, where I was tore into several pieces. To have someone you so deeply loved, so deeply cared for, put into a situation of complete helplessness, and ask for you to do them one final task, it creates a pit in my stomach just thinking about it. I won’t even get into whether or not I believe what he did was right or wrong, because my mind is still far to limited to even tackle such a thing. The best I can say is that it proves in a blatant fashion how precious and fragile life really is. No one can with certainty say where they will be standing tomorrow, or in what condition they may be, despite how much we fight against it. Learn from the past, prepare for the future, but ultimately live for today.

American History X a Tony Kaye Film was the second movie in a day I viewed after Million Dollar Baby that shook me to the core. The topics that I extracted from it, family, purpose, love and hate. We are all emotionally driven, you may not admit it, but when it comes to the core, we are. We look for purpose, and though it can take on numerous, even conflicting forms, it serves us all the same way. With meaning comes that sense of pride or shame, this sense is often amplified by family.  Family can come in many forms, and in American History X it is about the family structure a gang provides. People are often quick to criticize gang life and the individuals involved with it, though I believe otherwise. Fundamentally these individuals are striving for the same thing the rest of the population is looking for, purpose, and love; circumstances may lead us to find that in a church, in others, a gang. I will not say that I agree with all the practices gangs, or in fact churches, perform, though what I will say is hate leads to absolutely nothing. If you’re views are strong towards something, becoming narrow minded on the subject will ultimately lead to downfall. We are a brilliantly diverse species, the intelligence and creativity of us all is only truly achieved with working together, not by suppressing others.

Blow is a film based on the life of Gorge Jung, portrayed by Johnny Depp, most certainly wins my stamp of approval for simply a superbly done movie, but raises some questions as well. Most importantly the ending, you want to feel sorry for the character who wishes simply to be his daughter’s father but ends up being stripped away with his one last deal. I won’t go onto the topic of whether he deserved it or not, but on a deeper level, deep down people we see as evil

Call me ignorant, who isn’t it seems

Today was a day I will not soon forget. It was the first day I had the privilege to help out with a group of kids whose past have been hell to say the least. For a couple of hours we talked in the house and then went to play in the park, and shortly after said our goodbyes.  I watched them climb around on the Monkey Bars, get excited about building a sand castle, and laughing as someone far to big (myself) slide down the slide. It warmed me inside to see their love of the small things, the life in their eyes, the beauty that children have.

After I was dropped off at my house, the pieces of what I had saw, and what I had been briefed about started coming together. I feel no shame to say, I sat down and I cried; some of it was anger, wanting to shake my fist at the world, but it was mainly for the strength of a group who despite everything just want to go play in the park.

It’s a moment that could be considering nothing else but bittersweet. In one way I want to sell off everything I own and run off into the sunset, choosing to run from this by times dark world we live in, but their hearts give mine strength. I believe good will ultimately prevail, and I won’t be offended if you laugh at that statement.

Call my ignorant, because maybe I am. Perhaps despite my efforts to try and see the world in the big picture, I still know far to little to truly understand how it works. In fact I’ll tell anyone that the more knowledgeable I have become the more ignorant I realize I am, but it’s also just more fuel to feed my passions. What I have also found is that I do know that there are causes worth fighting in our world today; and don’t bet on me choosing to be a bystander. You can tell me a thousand times that one person can’t make a difference, or the problems of the world have gotten to out of hand to tackle, but I would rather die with a purpose and cause, then ignorant and lost.

 

Halloween

Happy Halloween!

Round 1 of midterms is complete, and looking back I realize it’s been a time of great change. I left high school, with what I thought at the time a fairly good idea about life, however, two years later, I’m more knowledgeable and more confused then ever.

When I was leaving high school, I was with a girl that I will say was the first to ever make my heart skip a beat and no one has had that affect since. I made a series of mistakes that I didn’t know were mistakes at the time and it lead to the relationship’s downfall, which makes me cringe to this day. Though I now have a better idea of what I want my next relationship to be, I am also far more aware that I do not understand the rationale behind a young girls rhyme and reason, but that’s for another day.

I set out to University in the fall, with motivation to do well, but embarking in evening adventures that the sometimes lack was not uncommon. My philosophy for the most part was “Why not?”.  I was doing well in school, I wasn’t too stupid with my money, I may die tomorrow, so raising glasses with my friends, laughing and dancing, felt by times a hell of a lot better then I did sober. Then January struck, and I asked myself, why was a feeling this way? Throughout middle school and high school I ventured around Canada and Europe and had some of the greatest memories and emotions I had ever felt, all with very little consumption of mind altering substances.

I decided to start on the physical aspect, the gym, eating, I quit smoking after half a year, and I felt good. On the advice of a nutritionist I switched to a vegetarian diet, which started simply as another health issue I was changing in my life. Surprisingly despite what you may guess my grades didn’t go up much at this point, things were being accomplished in a far more timely fashion, however, my focus was the gym. This carried me till the beginning of May, where I cracked.

After a series of make-ups and fights, I worked up the bravery to physically be in the same area and talk to my previous partner after 8 months. I’ll spar the details but what resulted was a crumbling of everything I built towards. I had attempted to build a support system on the gym, it allowed me release when I began to think about emotions of the past, but having those emotions brought all to the forefront so strongly my system collapsed. I lost all motivation to hit the gym or anything of the sort, though, still managed to keep my diet intact.

I went into a phase of working pretty much non-stop for 3 months. I averaged 12-15 hour days working for the federal government as well as a call center. This was another attempt by me to suppress everything by keeping myself so busy that I had time for hardly anything else. Though, something was about to change.

I got accepted into the University of Alberta in Edmonton, and the first of September I flew across the country to attend. It would be the largest change in my life to date, and it was something I realize now more then ever that I needed. New people, new surroundings, new start, I could rediscover my passions, and find out where I really stand.

It has been a period of a lot of change for me, but I feel more solid on my own two feet then ever before. I will still make mistakes, be down over the opposite sex, and drink too much by times, but I know better now then to try and build support systems on work, or the gym, or drinking. Instead it has to be something internal combined with friends and family, that will allow for sustainability.

 

“Never” to be forgotten

Society. Step back and think about it for a moment, what is it? When did I become apart of Canada, when did this set of rules and laws that have been set before me or these privileges that I have been given based on me following these laws. I have never really said yes, and at the same time I have never really said no, have I just been blindly guided into it with the expectation that I would not want anything else?

For the majority of the population, it seems to be an idea that more or less passes them by, a silent agreement is made, usually never written or spoken unless perhaps in the case of immigration, instead it just becomes life.

It would seem yes that we do have a “Democracy” in place, we do have a say in who is ruling us, every few years we have the chance to throw a ballot in the direction of whichever party representative we feel would best excel in our region, but still that question of why remains! Why are there people ruling over people?

Well it would seem, that at some-point in time, as Thomas Hobbes describes, that human 1 said to human 2 “I do not want you to kill me” which human 2 then responded “I do not want you to kill me either!” With this they decided to give the power to human 3, who agreed to protect them from one another. (I hope it is realized this is a very simplified down version of the rationale behind society and why it developed)

Though is this the right way to do things? Or perhaps it is but today it has gone to far? Not far enough? The world today has more democratic states then ever before, making it seem to be the greatest form of government that has ever developed! Though despite all this, anyone who follows governmental affairs knows it is a long, tedious, over-drawn affair, to get anything done. The amount of red tape involved in democracies make it impossible to get almost anything done in a timely fashion, but this is still better then a dictatorship right? But can a government not invoke the War-Measures act if need be, can it not bring into effect conscription? This all of course can be done without public support.

The reason I bring these topics to the forefront is to encourage active participation in Government by all. Forty percent of the population never even voted last election, instead they have just decided on this silent agreement, that an above body is ruling them, and that is that. I encourage not only voting, but keeping up to date in the news, fight for what you believe in.

I have been told a thousand times that ignorance is bliss, that plugging your ears and blinding yourself is the only way to be happy, I dare to challenge that idea. I watched a documentary this evening on the Warsaw uprising near the end of World War II, a group of citizens so bound and determined to fight for what they believed in, their independence from Nazi rule, and died with the expectations of the Americans, British, and Soviets to come to their aid. Instead daily the Nazi SS slaughtered some 3000 people, for 63 days (Imagine for a moment, the World Trade Center attacks happening out straight for 63 days in a row). After more then 75 percent of their resistance killed, traversing sewers, fighting with sticks and stones, and on the brink of starvation, they had no choice but to surrender, and watch their beloved city leveled on the orders given by Hitler. Even after the defeat of Nazi Germany these brave fighters were sold out to the Communist regime, not even given the opportunity to participate in the victory parade in London, not even allowed to speak of the resistance or their fallen brothers and sisters. Finally in the early late 80’s early 90’s memorials have been erected in an independent Poland, and the few remaining of this resistance have no regrets despite 45 years of oppression faced first by the Nazi’s and Soviet’s, despite all the suffering, all the death, they never would consider going back and turning a blind eye to the horror going on around them.

May the souls of these brave men, women, and children rest in peace, and their heroics never forgotten. To those fortunate enough to live to see freedom continue to hold your heads high, and proving that turning a blind eye is not something to be proud of.